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| Posted on: Apr 6 2009, 05:09 PM | |
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Newbie  Group: Members Posts: 1 Joined: 6-April 09 Member No.: 8,201 
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QUOTE(thatoneguy @ Feb 24 2009, 10:09 PM) [snapback]2110[/snapback] All: I need your feedback! I prefer to keep this somewhat anonymous, but your thoughts of the overall tone and any proposed changes are welcomed and appreciated! Thanks! -------------- With rock solid fundamentals and a proven track record of operational and financial capabilities, COMPANY was able to navigate through the economic storms of 2008 with strength and optimism. Our conservative and diversified approach helped contain investment risk, while our commitment to build and deliver new solutions enabled small and large businesses alike to benefit from our success. I would condense some of your jointed approaches, like so: With rock solid fundamentals and a proven track record of operational and financial capabilities, COMPANY was able to navigate through the economic storms of 2008 with strength and optimism. Our conservative and diversified approach helped contain investment risk, while our commitment to deliver dynamic solutions enabled our many different clients to benefit from our success. or something to that extent... The jest is that too many jointed approaches can confuse the logic processes of the reader. Is this a good idea? |
| Forum: Copywriting critiques · Post Preview: #2250 · Replies: 1 · Views: 3,318 |
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