Hi Guys,

I wanted some feedback on the way I write emails to my list subscribers.
My niche is self-improvement.

I sent this one out today, and I don't have any stats to report yet.

I'm going to remove the URL -- so that this does not come across as a shameless plug
for my product.

If you read this email, would you want to click through the link and buy the audio
ebook I'm selling? Why or why not? The sales letter it links to has a conversion of 1%.
My interest here is to create a high open rate, a good presell, and a high click-thru rate
by creating an understanding of what works in an email.

Any tips on improving my email marketing will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance for your careful consideration.


Subject Line: Take Your Life Back

date

Hi firstname,


Today -- name one thing that is within your power to
change ... and change it.

Time, for example.

Yes, I know it flow inexorably like a river. And I do
understand how it slips through your fingers like fine
sand.

But, but ... you can change how you manage it.

Most people don't manage their time.

They let time manage them.

As you see them run through their day, you can be
forgiven if you question their sanity.

You can be different.

Actually, better, faster, and more efficient ... and
also unbelievably calm and in control, too.

Get more done with less stress, less angst, less Sturm
und Drang!

But before we get into the HOW ... is it worth it?

After all, you've managed to survive until now -- with
only a bare lick of time management ... a quick list
here ... a hastily drawn plan there ... and somehow
you've managed (barely) to make it from one day to the
next without everything coming completely unglued ...
why bother to change?

"Better, faster, and more efficient" sounds good -- but
is it REALLY worth the effort?

Yes, peace, calm, control, progressive upgrades in
love, health, and even money ... more time to do the
things you love ... and even more time to savor the
MIRACLE of your existence.

(Yes, your existence is a miracle, and if you haven't
noticed it -- it's because you've been too busy. It's
time to notice clouds, rainbows, dew drops, sunsets,
and the sweet smell of life.)

If these sounds like lofty dreams, let me assure you
they aren't.

Here's a practical answer right now to start making
great things happen for you --

URL



To YOUR success,

Saleem Rana

P.S. Time Management Made Easy will put QUALITY back
into your time ... and you can even listen to it on
your mp3 player.

Life is a short affair -- why not make it count for
something? There is only so much time in the day to do
what you want to do. Focus your time on those things
that really matter. Excellence comes from quality ...
and quality comes from time management.

URL

Promotions, more business, more balance and harmony,
and more clarity and order -- it's definitely worth
learning the skill you need to make wonderful things
happen for you.

One thing you may want to consider is the very nature of email. Most people, when they go to read email, skim it very quickly to see if what you're talking about has any interest or importance to them. If not, they delete it.

Thinking as a consumer, I would want to see earlier on what you are advertising. Also, the text itself, while well-written, doesn't compel me to think I need what you are offering. It may sound counterintuitive, but making the email shorter might make it more persuasive. After all, those who would benefit most from your product are those who have the least time to read a longer email.

Those are my suggestions. I hope they're of some help to you!

Thank you. I'll try and keep them shorter. In the past, I've done that and it has worked well for me. I guess the way I could do it is to write spontaneously like I have already ... then edit it down to half a page.

Does anybody have any other ideas on how I can make my emails more compelling and make people feel the urge to buy?

Looking forward to your astute comments.

Good Morning Sal and All.

I would use bulleted points. Most readers will jump to those so
making your point in this manner could bring more click throughs.

Blesssings.

Verb

Hey Gang,

Well, I've taken your ideas into account.

Basically, I interpreted your feedback to mean:

Shorter, simpler. If it gets too long, use bullet points to condense it down. People have short attention spans ... you have 3 seconds to hold them.

Okay, here is another try. This time a different product.

Does it make you want to click thru, and maybe even buy?

Again, I've removed the actual URL so that it doesn't look like I'm trying a sneaky promotion here.

What I'm basically trying to learn here is how to write an effective email. If you have an idea on
really effective emails, can you post it here.

Cheers,

Sal

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

date

Hi firstname,

How can you change the flow of events to meet more of your financial needs?

You can use your inner mind to change your experiences.

You do this by changing the dialogue between your conscious mind and your subconscious mind.

While your conscious mind can only perceive what is before it, your subconscious mind has the power to hook you up with synchronicity and remarkable personal insights and intuitions.

I've been working on how to do this for years now ... and I've created a program to help anyone else do it, too.

My e-books and software will connect you with manifesting your intentions. This inner communication will change your world -- for the BETTER.

If you're ready to contact your inner power and transform your dreams into experiences, you'll enjoy this mind tool:

URL

Success is yours,

Saleem Rana

P.S. All the power you need to attain anything you want is inside you. Decide on what matters, focus on it, and your clarity and intention will bring it into your experience.

P.P.S. Does it work? Well just read the testimonials.

© 2006 by Saleem Rana. All rights reserved.

P.O.Box 1880, Idaho Springs, Co 80452

This one is much shorter, but your first one was easier to read. The problem is that each paragraph is only a sentence, so it's a bit choppy. If you combine the sentences into two or three paragraphs, it would be a lot easier to read.

My tips for writing emails would be to make them short, clear, concise and interesting. If something is really interesting in the first paragraph, people will read a little bit longer. Also, using simple, easy to understand language benefits both the reader (since they don't have to think, what does he mean?) and you (since you make more sales).

Hmmm, like this ...

date

Hi firstname,

How can you change the flow of events to meet more of your financial needs? Well, you can use your inner mind to change your experiences by changing the dialogue between your conscious mind and your subconscious mind.

While your conscious mind can only perceive what is before it, your subconscious mind has the power to hook you up with synchronicity and remarkable personal insights and intuitions.

I've been working on how to do this for years now ... and I've created a program to help anyone else do it, too. My e-books and software will connect you with manifesting your intentions. This inner communication will change your world -- for the BETTER.

If you're ready to contact your inner power and transform your dreams into experiences, you'll enjoy this mind tool:

URL

Success is yours,

Saleem Rana

P.S. All the power you need to attain anything you want is inside you. Decide on what matters, focus on it, and your clarity and intention will bring it into your experience.

P.P.S. Does it work? Well just read the testimonials.

Yes, that flows a lot better, with the exception of the second sentence. You have to really think about that one to figure out what it means, and most people aren't going to do that. Maybe something like:


Can you change what happens in your life? Could you improve your financial outlook? Find out the secrets to using your inner mind and improving the dialogue between your conscious and subconscious mind!

Just something to make it flow smoothly and show in the first paragraph what the email is about.

I made a few sales on a long email that I sent out yesterday. And I think I know what worked -- it was entertaining, informative, and with a very soft close. So, it's not the length, after all, but the continuity from one idea to the next.

If you ask fifty people for opinions you'll get about fifty different opinions. I agree that your third e.mail is better, but I think I'd put the "All the power you need...." somewhere in the beginning.

I know this may just be me, but every time I get an e.mail that uses my first name I get kind of tied up in thinking about who got my first name, rather than just my e.mail address.

I know, too, sales/marketing people are generally told to use first names, but I find if someone I don't know uses my first name in person I see it as nothing more than sales technique; and, as I said, if my first name shows up on a marketing e.mail I won't read it because I think someone has been doing too much information-digging for my taste. Maybe I'm the only one who does this.

I guess I would agree with the first name thing if the people who you're emailing don't know you, but all these people signed up for emails from you at one time, right? In that case, I would say first name would be okay.

Well, since they fill in an opt-in form, they are the ones who give you their first name. There is no digging around involved. My experience has been that most people don't like it if you use their first and last name or just their last name...it's too formal, and they think you're stiff and unfriendly. I personally like it when somebody uses my first name in an e-mail.

I think I've about given up on writing perfect emails. There may be no such thing! I can't seem to find one architecture for email that does better than any other. Some of my best written emails get no sales. Some emails that I threw together in a hurry get sales. I'd be interested in knowing if any one has found a way to write emails that consistently works.