Guys,

Please critique my copy... any suggestions and/or changes would be most appreciated...

Here's the site... I learned what I could from Bly's Handbook.

http://www.howtomakeworkfun.com

PS

I just bought the AWAI Course - is it any good?

Thank You in advance,
Brendan (Author) How To Make Work Fun

At first glance, I notice there are some punctuation problems. Go over the copy and look for all of the ellipses. I believe they are all supposed to be three dots, not two here and five there, but three across the board. A few capitalization errors as well, but other than that great job!

Thank You very much. It sure helps to have someone else look at it. I have been super critical, in fact I rewrote it several times. Thank You.

Brendan

Any time. I love to look at copy of others since I do not seem to catch my own mistakes until after my work has published! Submit more links if you like and I will take a look at those too!

Can't give you any input on the AWAI course, but I did read your copy and found the content to be interest-grabbing overall. In terms of nuts and bolts, I noticed the same things mentioned by a previous poster . . . capitalization and punctuation. Specific to punctuation, I noticed a couple instances where contractions were misused. Other than that, it looks good.

My first impression as a web designer was positive. Very neat, well structured copy. One thing that struck me was the minimal use of alternate color text (example - red text instead of simply bolding it). The above the fold copy was not quite as attention grabbing visually as I am used to. However, it is well written and people who are interested in your niche will definitely scroll down, in my opinion.

Other than maybe needing a bit more light color I like it. To me it screams honesty and trustability.
I see this site as being able to pull in clients and keep them their for the long term. As they said in the movie 300 its a good start .

The site looks good and the copy is generally good, however I do have some constructive criticism.

The layout of the site and the tone used in the copy is very similar to many other sites. This might not be a bad thing, but to be honest the first thing I thought was that it reminded me of the sites you find when you search for "earn money online".

These kind of sites do generally have a long scrolling page with the price for the product or service right at the bottom. Personally I always scroll to the end to check if they are asking for money before I look at anything else, and if so I would be inclined to think less of product or service on offer simply because the price is "hidden" at the bottom.

Of course this is just my personal opinion, and many other people may not get the same impression. If you do agree however I would suggest maybe splitting the site up into a few pages of information with a simple navigation system and I would also advise you to advertise the price of the ebook clearly throughout the site and make it clear exactly what you are selling.

Good Luck, as I said the points above are just my personal opinion. I do think you have done some good work, I just think it could be delivered a bit more clearly.

>Mari

I think the page as a whole is very well-structured. The type of language you used really made it much more interesting to read, though I do agree that there are a few punctuation problems here and there.

As for page layout, I think it looks very nice and professional. The only thing I could suggest you might consider adding would be some images or pictures to really bring the page to life for your readers!

I hope this helps!

Wow... Thank You all for your feedback. I appreciate it!

Brendan