Hello all, I just registered and this is my first post to this forum although I have visited the site before and it seems like a great, honest community. I fully intend on being an active member 'round these parts!

We are a creative agency looking to craft some compelling yet direct copy for our new site. It should be a tad risque.

I've got two different writers' copy here for a couple of the sections. I know which I like better but I was hoping for some feedback. Not only to which is better but I also welcome criticism of individual sections.

I'll mark the different writers' versions of the section with A and B.

I've also removed or correct name of our company and the city we're based to avoid being confused with spam.

Thanks!

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HOMEPAGE

A
You Have Come This Far...Now For The Basics
We are an award winning full-service marketing and web development agency based in California, and also some of the coolest people you'll ever meet. We like to say we do everything but there are a few exceptions; we are not particularly fond of dirty laundry or high school math homework. Nevertheless we bend over backwards to make sure our client's needs are met; from business cards to customized websites with customized applications. Our clients walk away fulfilled, and excited to tell their friends about us. We don't believe that you should pay for something and not get exactly what you wanted. We work hard to make and keep this promise.

B
TMG is an award winning full service marketing agency based in California. We like to say we do everything but there are exceptions; we're not particularly fond of dirty laundry or High School math homework. Nevertheless we gladly bend over backwards to ensure our clients' expectations are exceeded. Whatever you need, be it business cards, a custom Facebook application, or anything in between; you've come to the right place.

While you're here, you should check out some of our work, or learn about our team.




WHO WE ARE

A
You Have Come This Far...Now Meet Our Team
Every member of TMG has been hand selected and sought out specifically. You know like when you go to the candy store and get your plastic bag to fill with all of your favorite treats? That's what we did. Some of us our sweet, some of us our tangy, some of us are chocolate covered, and all together we make for one big bag, packed full of flavor.
We combine our unique talents, creativity, and years of experience to create a team of highly skilled individuals that are dedicated to providing only the highest quality products and services. Take a few minutes to acquaint yourself with the incredible people known as TMG.


B
We are creatives. An eclectic group of artists, social geeks, adrenaline junkies, musicians and comedians. Although our personal interests may vary, we all share the same fiery passion for producing the best work this side of the Atlantic.

[then we list photos and bios of the team]



WHAT WE DO

A
You Have Come This Far...Now For What We Can Do For You
What do you need? A logo? A website? A commercial? Not only can we do it, but we can make it rock! Here are a few examples of the services we offer. If you don't see what you're looking for or don't know what you're looking for, give us a call. Maybe it's something we forgot to list or should start doing, or maybe we can point you to some of our friends who can help you.


B
This is why we come to work every day. Some of us use a Mac, some a PC. Others begin with a pencil and a blank sheet of paper. But when Photoshop is opened, or pencil meets paper, we're focused on one thing - the end result.

Sure it's likely we'll encounter some frustrations, maybe a road block here and there, but as you know, that path to perfection is never the easiest.

So go ahead, check out our portfolio and see why many top organizations choose TMG to turn their goals into results.

[then we list different categories of our portfolio with graphics.]



CONSULTING (there is only one version for this)

There is certainly no shortage of ways to spend your advertising dollars. Especially with the web; one can basically pick a rabbit hole and venture as far down as they'd like. And while we do not currently have any psychics on staff (if you know one, let them know we're hiring) we do have over 40 years of combined experience that we'd love to put to work for you.

Sure trial and error is one way to evaluate your options but we know damn well it's not the most efficient. Someone at TMG has likely been there, done that and has a story to tell about it.



WEBSITE DESIGN (only one version for this too)

This is one of our favorites. Your website is a special medium. In it rests the opportunity to combine beautiful design, compelling copy, sprinkled with meaningful video then bring it to life as an interactive experience.

[this is only the summary of the page]

Also, should I have posted a txt, or pdf instead of putting everything in the post? :-/

I like the 2nd version, but only a *little* better. Here's why:

-- Neither of them get to the point quickly enough. Many readers lack the patience to wade through talk about dirty laundry and whatnot.

-- At least in version 2, you soon said you can create a business card for me. This is where you need to give me more of your service menu. I'm ready to know if you do exactly what I need.

-- As I say on my copywriting service site: "6 Seconds. That's How FAST You Must Prove You're Worth It."

Best of luck,

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It breaks my heart …

Everyday I see websites, just like yours, selling products that are in demand but making some simple mistakes which are driving customers away in droves.

Simple blunders such as …

* Wrong color combination
* Poor choice of words
* Lame selling techniques
* Poor flow in the sales copy
* Confusing order pages and call to actions
* Wrong font choice, formatting and general layout
* Sales Letters that need that extra push to get visitors into a buying frenzy

.. and the list goes on.

The simple truth is that I try to help many such business owners in marketing forums, on my blog and in my own coaching program and ebooks. But I know a lot of people can’t afford to pay my $5,000 to $25,000 fees to write a new sales letter.

And I’m not about to lower my writing fees because my clients make back their money like clockwork ... otherwise they wouldn’t keep coming back for more.

Every business owner should know that their sales letter is his salesman. You have to invest in crafting your marketing message if you hope to make huge profits. If you go skimpy here, then your sales will be skimpy.

But there's a ...

The BIG Copywriting Myth ...

There is this popular MYTH online that all you need to write a great sales letter is to buy a good copywriting book and—BAM!--your letters would be transformed into a ten ton sales magnet.

But I’ve received too many emails from clients who told me they read all the great copywriting books and still couldn't put all their new knowledge into an effective sales letter.

You see, along with the great copywriting advice you also need in-the-trenches experience in writing letters that sell. And that’s just what I’ve been doing for the last 7 years online.

And because I teach others how to write copy I have an eye to pick up the critical mistakes you’re likely to make in your sales letters and a clear way of explaining how you can improve your writing skills.

So I’m not against you learning to write your own copy, but because every situation is different it’s hardly likely you’ll find books or seminars that would speak to your specific situation.

And that is why you need a trained eye to straighten the kinks in your copy and get you into the profit loop fast!

So many of my coaching students who came to me after spending over $3,000 in copywriting courses, seminars and ebooks and only finally “got it!” when I critiqued their copy and explained how to put all the pieces together.

FAIR WARNING: If you are sensitive to the truth and are accustomed to have things sugar-coated, then this may NOT be for you. I’m very “in-your-face” in my critiques and I may not get your vote for Mr. Congeniality.

This doesn’t mean that I go out of my way to offend you ... but if your copy sucks I’ll be the first to let you know. I hold myself to the highest standards while writing for my clients (even higher than when writing for myself, like now!) … and I’ll surely take your writing through the wringer.

Within a few seconds of coming to your site I can tell you what’s wrong and how to knock out the kinks. Research shows that website visitors decide within the first few second whether they are going to stick around to read your website or not.

This means you could be losing visitors even BEFORE they read anything about what you have to offer.

In fact, here’s what you can expect to get with your personalized copy critique to get your website firing on all cylinders …

thanks
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